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How to Catch a Rat [Jul. 3rd, 2007|10:37 am]
Funky Midatlantic Rowhouse


Leave the back door open at night, with the wrought iron French doors locked of course, so the rats can get in at the dog food.

Ignore all evidence of their taking up residence until you find the dish washing brush wedged into the little doorway which opens in the wall to the water cut off spigot.

Put on a rat-catching outfit such as the one described by misslam2u -- white tank top, black gym shorts, sequinned flip flops and lots of silver bangles.

Go to the store and get 10 rat traps and a box of leaf disposal garbage bags. Read the directions carefully, very carefully, dude.

Lock the animals up.

Take out a garbage bag and ruche the side as you would a pair of panty hose. Place it where you want to catch the rat, and carefully smooth out the bottom of the bag and pat the ruching down.

Bait the trap. Set it and place it in the center of the garbage bag.

Keep the animals out until the trap has caught a rat.

When the thumping stops, take off your glasses.

Without really looking, ascertain that the trap is still inside the garbage bag.

Hustle those ruched sides of the bag up over the trap, body and all, close the bag and take it to the garbage.

When a man walks by and says, that's God's work you're doing, temper your reply.

[User Picture]From: old_hedwig
2007-07-03 03:11 pm (UTC)
After we trap a rat, we rubber band the garbage bag to the tailpipe of a car and gas em.
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[User Picture]From: purejuice
2007-07-03 05:07 pm (UTC)
awww. i kind of like them and was appalled at the torture the traps entail.
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[User Picture]From: old_hedwig
2007-07-03 06:51 pm (UTC)
Have-a-heart traps and poison gas. Snap traps are too brutal.
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[User Picture]From: purejuice
2007-07-03 06:54 pm (UTC)
yeah they are.
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[User Picture]From: aulaitcru
2007-07-03 03:42 pm (UTC)
Oh man, we've never had rats, thank god. Mice, bats, birds, possums, racoons, feral cats? Sure. No rats.

Friends who live at the bottom of the hill, near the river and canal and the restaurants, they have rats. Not us, nuh uh.

I am quite particularly accomplished at ushering out the birds. With at hole in the roof and three outdoor cats I have to be.
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[User Picture]From: purejuice
2007-07-03 05:05 pm (UTC)
how do you?
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[User Picture]From: aulaitcru
2007-07-03 05:56 pm (UTC)
1. Stay calm.
2. Shoo all the cats outside.
3. If it's upstairs shut the door to the room. If downstairs, hope for the best.
4. Open all the windows in the affected room.
5. Try to shoo the bird toward the open window.
6. If the bird flies into the closed upper part of the window and stuns itself, pick it up carefully and "throw" it outside.
7. Clean up all the guano it has excreted in its panic.
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[User Picture]From: purejuice
2007-07-03 06:48 pm (UTC)
oy. guano.
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[User Picture]From: purejuice
2007-07-03 05:06 pm (UTC)
the SKF squad. now i'm really afraid.
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[User Picture]From: ericaceous
2007-07-03 11:03 pm (UTC)
I hope to never need this knowledge! The squirrels and mice and birds and possoms are quite enough, but al least mostly those bigger guys stay outside. Mostly.
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[User Picture]From: tuscendi
2007-07-03 11:14 pm (UTC)
I admire your instructional style. :-)

I know they can't be allowed to cohabit with us, but I kind of like rats, too. They are intelligent and clean.

All methods of killing them seem cruel to me. I knew a man who trapping rats in his NYC tenement. He trapped them into a box that had wire mesh top, then he would lower the box into a barrel of water and drown the rats. Baby rats, too. The snapping traps are terrible. I know someone else who lives in the Missouri Ozarks. He goes into the wild and fetches him some huge snakes, king snakes or black snakes or something, and brings them back to live under his house. Sometimes that works.

I suppose carbon monoxide is painless. Oh well.
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[User Picture]From: misslam2u
2007-07-18 01:37 am (UTC)
Dear God.
That's gruesome.
But I can be all self righteous, because I've never had to live with a real live RAT.
We had a few field mice, which is totally different.

I've taken care of a squirrel (aka rats with fluffy tails) problem with a Remington pellet gun. The clean up was quite easy as the hounds ate the carcasses. Sometimes I miss country life. Others, not so much.
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[User Picture]From: purejuice
2007-07-18 12:13 pm (UTC)
it was my daddy shot the squirrels where i come from. and me who ate em. lush!
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[User Picture]From: misslam2u
2007-07-18 12:41 pm (UTC)
Only our nearest neighbors, Mr and Mrs Lohemann ate squirrels. They made a corn meal stew out of the little rodents. Mr. Lohemann's oldest brother was kilt by the Comanche. They were a trip. When they passed, a whole world died with them.
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